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After having thoroughly been disappointed by the ending of Deathly Hallows; and lack of room for a sequel, China comes up with it’s own tales to tell!
2002; Harry Potter and The Filler of Big
This title just plain makes me laugh. A better translation can suggest “Harry Potter and The Big Funnel,” but I still haven’t stopped laughing XD!!!
Here we have the hopeless front cover starring said funnel;
The first page shows the Chinese book bootlegger’s mastery of clipart-based graphic design, and both typography and paper which suggest the finest of 1970s telephone directories. Chapter one; “Party”
Then the Inner Mongolian People’s Publishing Company brings us “Harry Potter and the Beaker of Burn”
Note the extensive copy write infringements on the covers, I don’t think pointing them out is necessary XD
But wait; what about this authentic Rowling photo in the rear flap; complete with author biography? And an official-looking copy write page! How dreadfully desperate…
Inside the book there’s also a poorly drawn spread of all the major characters; who seem to be melded together(especially Fred and George because they’re drawn as some mutated 2-headed kid) Except for Fluffy, who sits in the corner flaunting at least 80 anatomical issues.
And then the long-awaited 8th book; Harry Potter and Leopard Walks Up To Dragon!
‘Harry Potter and Leopard Walks Up to Dragon’ was released in China shortly before ‘Order of the Phoenix’. Here’s an excerpt from the first chapter…
“Harry doesn’t know how long it will take to wash the sticky cake off his face. For a civilised young man, it is disgusting to have dirt on any part of his body. He lies in the elegant bathtub, keeps wiping his face, and thinks about Dudley‘s face, which is as fat as Aunt Petunia‘s ass.”
The book was, as it turns out, was actually just a word for word translation of ‘The Hobbit’, with a new first and last chapter. The other, working under the guise of J.K. Rowling, simply substituted the character names for Harry Potter characters, and used ‘Wizard of Oz’ character names to fill out the cast.
A true masterpeice XD
Several other fake Harry Potter novels have made it big over there, including “Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Relative Prince,” “Harry Potter and the Hiking Dragon,” “Harry Potter and the Chinese Empire,” “Harry Potter and the Young Heroes,” “Rich Dad, Poor Dad and Harry Potter,” “Harry Potter and the Golden Armor,” “Harry Potter and the Crystal Vase,” and on and on. There are at least 12 such books circulating in China.
Rumors prior to the release of Order of The Pheonix suggest;
Zelda writes: “The title of the sixth book will be Harry Potter and the Green Flame Torch [Peter Pettigrew returns] when Harry finds a torch that gives off a green flame that will heal good and kill anything evil.”
“One should never linger on one word too long; for it will soon become bored and leave.”
It seems I haven’t posted in a while. Writer’s block? Not exactly…more something of a lack of subject. Such a thing still remains just out of my grasp. Let me just proclaim a couple of things for now; your mind’s thirst for an update needs quenching of some sort.
I’d first like to rant about people’s abuse of the world’s excitement revolving around the new Harry Potter book. Firstly; if you’re one to even seek spoilers, you’re not worthy of such a masterpiece. Secondly; Anything you find on the web as this current time has been confirmed as lies. Anybody spreading such lies are automatically on my hate list; both for lying and for attempting to spoil a great book before anybody has the chance to read it for themselves. And we’ve all heard of this Philippine fan girl who went so far as to hang herself over a fake copy of the book available on the Internet; giving Harry and his friends all a gruesome end. Stop this nonsense or I’ll have to beat you.
On a side note; I’m currently working on a book. The plot is still fuzzy and I can’t predict it’s length as of yet; but I can tell you that I will be writing both plain text as well as a graphic novel and probably publish on the Internet for all you blokes for free.
For those of you who had a screechy/excited/annoying/angry/whatever fit about my earlier post regarding the next Harry Potter book.
I’ve just recently discovered that Rowling herself had released a spoiler- that she would be killing at least two people in the book. Chew on that for a while!
With the release of the 7th(and final) Harry Potter book fast approaching, I can’t help but scream at the world my theory as to what the outcome of the book will be. I know I’m probably not the only one who’s thought of this; but I just gotta post it somewhere! Basically; Harry’s the last horcrux and both he and Voldemort have to die. Now let me support with some evidence;
- Harry keeps sensing Voldemort’s thoughts and feelings
- Harry keeps having prophetic dreams related to Voldemort
- Harry has the same wand as Voldemort
- Harry’s a parcelmouth
- In book 6, Dumbledore himself said that in killing Harry, Voldemort was indeed trying to make a horcrux!!! <—— update!!!!!
At this point some questions have to be raised;
- Why is Voldemort trying to kill his last horcrux?
I don’t think he realizes it.
- What about the prophecy from book 5?
Dumbledore said it could be referring to Neville; which is likely the case if you’re familiar with good literature plotting.
- But after the last Horcrux is destroyed, who’s supposed to kill Voldemort?
Judging by my conclusion about the prophecy, I’d have to point at Neville. I’d quite like to see that; wouldn’t you?
Thus I’m confident that Harry will have to die and then Voldemort killed by the most unlikely person, Neville. (If the rest of my theory’s true, then the book would be rather stupid if Neville weren’t the slayer of Voldemort.) Please point out any holes in my theory- or more evidence, because I’m sure I missed some.
