After having thoroughly been disappointed by the ending of Deathly Hallows; and lack of room for a sequel, China comes up with it’s own tales to tell!

 

2002; Harry Potter and The Filler of Big

This title just plain makes me laugh. A better translation can suggest “Harry Potter and The Big Funnel,” but I still haven’t stopped laughing XD!!!

Here we have the hopeless front cover starring said funnel;

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The first page shows the Chinese book bootlegger’s mastery of clipart-based graphic design, and both typography and paper which suggest the finest of 1970s telephone directories. Chapter one; “Party”

 

Then the Inner Mongolian People’s Publishing Company brings us “Harry Potter and the Beaker of Burn”

Note the extensive copy write infringements on the covers, I don’t think pointing them out is necessary XD

But wait; what about this authentic Rowling photo in the rear flap; complete with author biography? And an official-looking copy write page! How dreadfully desperate…

Inside the book there’s also a poorly drawn spread of all the major characters; who seem to be melded together(especially Fred and George because they’re drawn as some mutated 2-headed kid) Except for Fluffy, who sits in the corner flaunting at least 80 anatomical issues.

 

And then the long-awaited 8th book; Harry Potter and Leopard Walks Up To Dragon!

‘Harry Potter and Leopard Walks Up to Dragon’ was released in China shortly before ‘Order of the Phoenix’. Here’s an excerpt from the first chapter…

“Harry doesn’t know how long it will take to wash the sticky cake off his face. For a civilised young man, it is disgusting to have dirt on any part of his body. He lies in the elegant bathtub, keeps wiping his face, and thinks about Dudley’s face, which is as fat as Aunt Petunia’s ass.”

The book was, as it turns out, was actually just a word for word translation of ‘The Hobbit’, with a new first and last chapter. The other, working under the guise of J.K. Rowling, simply substituted the character names for Harry Potter characters, and used ‘Wizard of Oz’ character names to fill out the cast.

 

A true masterpeice XD

Several other fake Harry Potter novels have made it big over there, including “Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Relative Prince,” “Harry Potter and the Hiking Dragon,” “Harry Potter and the Chinese Empire,” “Harry Potter and the Young Heroes,” “Rich Dad, Poor Dad and Harry Potter,” “Harry Potter and the Golden Armor,” “Harry Potter and the Crystal Vase,” and on and on. There are at least 12 such books circulating in China.

Rumors prior to the release of Order of The Pheonix suggest;

Zelda writes: “The title of the sixth book will be Harry Potter and the Green Flame Torch [Peter Pettigrew returns] when Harry finds a torch that gives off a green flame that will heal good and kill anything evil.”